We asked Canterbury to ditch the horse thing and host a new kinda athlete this year: The Derby Athlete.
We rolled into Canterbury Park on our own roller skates for the first time ever to host North Star Roller Derby’s unLucky Season 13 premiere—Black Cat-astrophe, our very own mini-tournament to kick off the season Dec. 1.
Those brave enough to face the blizzard that Saturday were handsomely rewarded with hours of smashy, crushy, yelly roller derby and as many hot, fresh chicken tenders as they could muster.
Mini-tourneys work just like regular roller derby—same rules, big body blocks, and fast jams as always—but in lieu of longer bouts with two 20-minute halves, each game at Black Cat-astrophe was only 20 minutes long and pitted every home team against multiple opponents for the night.
In game one, the Banger Sisters took on Delta Delta Di. The last time these two foes went foot-to-foot, the Deltas fell 82 to 119. Even though the Bangers drew first blood and held the lead for the first nine jams this time around, the Deltas were the ones swimming in sweet, sweet victory with a final score of 53 to the Bangers’ 36.
Game two saw the Violent Femmes stacked up against the Kilmore Girls. The good ol’ KG’s had an impressive class of rookies join their ranks this year, but even all that youthful energy couldn’t outmuscle the shallow roster of veteran skaters put up by the Femmes. The Femmes took hold of the game early and kept a tight grip on the lead for 20 full minutes, winning with a score of 68 to 36.
Next, the losing teams from the first two games (if you already forgot, that’s the Banger Sisters and the Kilmore Girls) were fighting for third place. The Kilmores came out with guts and grit, but the Bangers banded together and avenged their good name with a roaring win of 78 to 51.
Finally, the pièce de résistance, the tour de force, the jewel in the crown (thank you, Macbook thesaurus), game four was upon us—the Violent Femmes versus Delta Delta Di. The Deltas were fueled fully by the power of their fresh and wondrous logo, a unicorn.
They were throwing Femmes to the floor left and right. A real grizzly scene unfolded. But the Femmes are a hearty folk and came back stronger with every jam, eventually snagging the coveted first-place spot on the podium* and dropping the Deltas to second with a final score of 54 to 31.
Despite the assault of snow outside and the thick fog of fried foods inside, it was the perfect night of roller derby. Black Cat-astrophe was hardly unlucky and shows us just what kind of matchups to expect as the season forges ahead.
Will the Femmes stay on top? How strong will the young Kilmores get? Will the Deltas become unicorns? Will the Bangers stay blue? Only time will tell.
See what happens at the next North Star Roller Derby bout on January 5 at the Rose and Lee Warner Coliseum at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds.
*There was not any real podium present.